[Satire] Dr Jaishankar Engages In US Election Interference, Defines ‘He’ or ‘She’ As Acceptable Pronouns For POTUS 2024
India's Dr. Jaishankar wades into U.S. elections, declaring only ‘He’ or ‘She’ fit as POTUS pronouns—stirring global debate and sidelining "They."
External Affairs Minister of India, Dr. S Jaishankar recently made elaborate comments on US-India relations during a “Meet The Diaspora” event held in New Delhi. The top diplomat of India diplomatically spoke about important issues facing America including American Exceptionalism, LGBT activities, and the selection of the American Commander in Chief. Eric Garcetti, the American Ambassador and diplomatic food reviewer in India, also attended the event. Anonymous sources suggest that the food vlogger side of the Ambassador couldn't resist the urge to abandon the Olympics and return to India after he saw the items listed on the main course menu for this event.
Garcetti opened his speech by saying “I got in at 2 AM this morning. So I'm going to try to be articulate, um I'm going to try to be coherent. But I am still buzzing from the incredible uh last few days.” An insider source said that Mr Garcetti followed the traditional Indian practice of eating a heavy dose of laxatives two days before attending events with unlimited food on the menu. “That should explain the opening remarks of his speech”, said an insider source and declined to comment any further.
American Exceptionalism: The ‘Peculiarly American’ Phenomenon
Dr Jaishankar rephrased American exceptionalism as ‘Peculiarly American’ at the “Meet The Diaspora” gathering. “I mean, the US is the US. There are some things in the US which are very peculiarly American. I mean, you don't get it anywhere else...”, said the EAM in his opening comments. “You know, I mean there are a lot of things. Don't get me going there”, the Foreign Minister concluded his opening comments with a chuckle.
Many American experts and think tanks who are attempting to decode the Indian Foreign policy doctrine claim that this is a jibe at America’s growing number of Pregnant Males. “While American far-right conspiracy theorists are spreading fake narratives about depopulating the world, these men are secretly giving birth to babies and increasing the number of the privileged white population in America”, remarked the recent DEI recruit and anonymous research analyst from California. A staunch democratic party supporter who did not want to be identified proudly said “Pregnant men should also get the right to abortion. My body, My choice! God Bless America and God Bless the US of A!”
Following the release of America’s scientific reports and birthing person emojis showcasing the human male’s ability to reproduce an offspring, the archaeological institutes of the global south countries are desperately searching for any fossils that can prove the existence of birthing persons from the pre-historic era. But to date, they seem to be a non-existent species in all countries the world over, except in America & Canada.
India Dictates Pronouns For POTUS 2024
The Indian diplomat highlighted a “Grim” worldview over the next five years due to ongoing War-economy-related activities of the US being conducted across the globe. This was followed by a quick and subtle act of election interference where Dr Jaishankar specified the pronouns for the leader of the free world.
He remarked, “We have every confidence that we will be able to work with the President of the United States, whoever He or She will be.” Some of the LGBT Analysts caught on to the subtle messaging and called it Transphobic. They interpreted that pronouns like They/Them or Xi/Xer would result in a lack of confidence in the POTUS.
After the event, Ambassador Eric Garcetti was unavailable for comment on India’s attempted US election interference. Anonymous insidious sources hint that this is due to the reaction Garcetti suffered after eating excessive Garlic Chutney.
In a statement from China, an anonymous wolf warrior of the Chinese Communist Party extended his support to Dr Jaishankar’s diktat for the POTUS pronouns. “We disapprove of the pronoun Xi. That is not a pronoun, but it is a noun. Dont drag the name of the beloved leader of the Middle Kingdom into your gender dysphoria”
Disclaimer: The above article is a satirical interpretation of Dr. Jaishankar’s talk during the Indiaspora Event. All quotes with direct reference are verbatim of statements made during the event. However, other commentaries and references to unknown sources written here should not be considered as news, facts, or analysis. These are opinions and interpretations purely for entertainment purposes.